flagrant

felonious me, nitrous drive.
[or: mini sippy car laps up gasoline just like rover]
as you can imagine, the chevron is complicated now.

i have three singles--
not allowed to break the five.
yeah, that might look bad.

imagine reheating the coffee pot until the mold spreads and floats on the top. rather than pouring it down the drain, imagine standing there arguing whether or not those blue speckled white circles can benefit digestion.

perhaps it's this imagery which is the joke. perhaps illness is, itself, the delusion and a scandinavian carafe is obese with cream. perhaps i've spun 2800 calories on this exercise in contraption today, already, at 7:51am, and am quite simply, tired... tangenting... neologism-ing.

yesterday, a visit was made to the irs office in order to pay off my enormous tax bill. AND though it is nothing i intend to detail here, hinting at its mortgage-sized magnitude is important-- perhaps it can partially explain the absence of blog.

the irs office was unexpectedly cramped. their computer system was slow-- barely any air conditioning blow. the clerk who took my interest was consuming more for breakfast than i had purchased for myself all year, but who was the one sweating it out? i managed to get crazy enough to pay off this debt in 364 days-- and lost a lot to do it -- but i win, again. i think. no, i know.


consider:
- the delusions of poverty created in order to amass, attain
- how, and why, to now let this very frightening rigidity loosen up
- "it's over" but the daily tax-related anxiety attack showed up today


consider:
- why illness never controls business expenses or employment endeavors
- it's terribly wrong, but upon reflection, i am enamoured with how sick this is
- mm-hmm, why not stab those who fail at hold 30 year fixed rate mortgages?


consider:
- driving somewhere, buying something unnecessary
- at full price without a coupon
- but, i don't need anything other than to unclench and engage

i had fired resident doctor #4.

[skip ahead]

twice per week
at a rate worthy of confusion
tonight marks our return to work.


what to bring:
- blanket
- smaller body
- major depressive disorder with psychotic features

remember:
- to leave eye contact at home
- that i got worse because he dropped the ball on getting me into any of the outpatient programs this summer
- i understand why

stuck.

passport entry stamp--
jose marti international airport, havana, cuba

once upon a time,
AND not so long ago...

stuck.

stuck.