vacation = lack of structure
pilgrimage = great effort, personal significance
ethiopia = impressive starvation
rock churches/frescoes = solid devotion/art
had i mentioned these travel plans, he would have connected the therapeutic metaphors instantly, and would not have written out the prescription for diet pills. when reflecting on the influence of the terms used, in combination with the involved destination, is it not evident that i lacked a commitment to all benefit i promoted? it isn't exactly a secret that i can be 100% committed to consequence, but it sure looks as though i might have been lying through my teeth to get that prescription.
ticket/travel voucher = prescription
travel agent = resident doctor #4
this sentiment of resident doctor #4 as a travel agent or 'facilitator of illness' should not compute, and instead, throw all symbolism relating to medicine and vacation out of alignment. unfortunately, his role as an agent for dysfunction is true to life. it is a big problem for me.
now, since i have mostly decided to forgo ethiopia and am quickly trying to finalize an alternate trip, could this mean that deep in my brain, i have appraised my relationship with the medicine? i intend to use the pills to temporarily vacate my situation, but have i decided not to implement them to their ultimate intensity?
for instance, does canceling ethiopia for a lesser destination suggest that i will let the medicine offer an interesting experience, but i have decided not to devote myself "all of the way to complete starvation" or even to somewhere "unfathomably impressive but unnecessary" such as "further compromised health" or "east africa?"
perhaps resident doctor #4 would have suggested the new vacation plans indicate how much i do not want to please my illness and that i am starting to refuse it. consider why that would remain difficult to hear, even when actively thwarting exigency.
i will not use these pills in a way which will cause permanent damage or death, but i had been obsessed with how the possibility was available to me.



