view from a foreign guest house window- fez, moroccopredicting this morning's appointment with
resident doctor #4:
he will have the chairs in his office arranged in such a way that i must either move them or stand in an awkward space at the center of the room. (terror!) the vertical window blinds will be pulled open completely, or dialed open in a way which reveals a room full of light. (terror!) the floor lamp, which stands in the corner, will also be turned on. (to annoy me enough to possibly catalyze an effort to "want" something and act on the desire to switch off the light.)
him: "have you figured out where you're going?"
me: "nowhere."
[silence]
him: "where are you going on vacation next month?"
me: "i'm never leaving the house to go anywhere but this office."
[silence]
him [with authority]: "where you are traveling to, tristan?"
me: "now, how in the hell am i supposed to do that?"
[silence]
me: "i can't even get to target to buy laundry detergent."
[silence]
him [dreamily]: "hmmm, you're pointing out the extreme..."
him [laughs]: "but which one? kabul? antarctica?"
me: "as one can imagine, boats to antarctica are better in february."
he squints, and then suddenly nods having put the season together.
me: "plus, getting to the south georgian salisbury plain cost a literal fortune."
[silence]
me: "starving at least starts off free..."
me: "yeah, exploring three weeks of crazed hunger is what i should do."
[silence]
him: "you're feeling fat today?"
me [upset, don't interrupt my thin world]: "you mean, feeling
exposed."
[silence]
him: "afghanistan...?"
me: "i can't get an appointment with their minister of tourism until after their elections in september, which means a virtual october. why bother? central asia will be under the threat of snow then with inevitable mountain pass closures until may. i don't need limited overland travel options when traveling alone. forget afghanistan, or pakistan for that matter. i won't travel to the extent of peshawar without plans for kabul."
him [agrees]: "hmm."
[silence]
me: "my initial flight departs los angeles for minneapolis on continental. in minneapolis i have an illegal connection to newark, but the flight should be departing from the same terminal-- so no big deal. an 'illegal connection' means one flight arrives and the other departs short of the airport's stated minimum connection time. should something go wrong, continental isn't required to accommodate my trip. after arriving in newark, i don't know. i am going to need to run through the airport in order to make another illegal connection to cancun. i lucked out with a seriously discounted rate on a four star hotel right on the beach strip. so, in mexico, i have that one night arranged just to meet with a broker, collect my airline tickets and tourist card for [prohibited destination] and--"
him: "[prohibited destination]?!"
me: "yeah, what?"
him: "well..."
me: "there are ways."
[silence]
him: "minnesota and newark to get to mexico?"
me: "same price, first class upgrades, more frequent flyer miles."
[silence]
consider how at this time
resident doctor #4 decides *not* to reveal he is *only* visiting jolly old *safe* and english speaking london next week with the hand held protection a tour group can offer. consider how i contemplate the appalling safety a holiday -- with a hotel heralding a free american breakfast -- must offer.
[/silence]
me: "after that, a return flight from [prohibited destination] delivers me back into cancun. the next morning i travel down to guatemala by bus. then a side trip for scuba diving in belize and honduras. yes, i'm lugging a prescription dive mask along. then nicaragua by rickety chicken bus is a possibility if there is time, because i have a habit of getting bored in tropical paradise. a chicken bus is an old american school bus with actual caged animals strapped to the roof, not what i refer to as 'the chicken route' for tourist types."
[his questioning 'issues relating to authority' go here]